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18-Dec-2016 22:15 by 10 Comments

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For the first time, I notice that she's quite pretty. She clings to boyfriends who mistreat her, convinced that she doesn't deserve them. This probably means that she's too emotionally fragile for a threesome, but I decide to broach the topic anyway, at least to get some practice.

She describes the rogue ex-boyfriend who pressured her to go to bed with him and his other lover, and the friends of hers who swapped partners and never swapped back. She talks of future lunch dates at other Asian restaurants. We have a sort of group hug, and then we agree that he can take off both of our dresses. My third surprise is that, when you're detail-oriented like me, threesomes are confusing. It's exactly what he says when I've waited at home all morning for the plumber or replaced the rechargeable batteries in our phones. It occurs to me that planning this threesome has become another one of the things I do, like organizing playdates and supervising the renovation of our kitchen. The best for us would be if he checked out of the hotel on the 21st, earliest," he says. But — as in many stories I hear — there's an imbalance. " She signs it "N." It may seem imprudent to pledge loyalty to an anonymous, bisexual woman who trolls "no-strings" websites, but I decide on the spot that I won't respond to anyone else. I'm not sure about the exchange deal, but that doesn't seem to be mission-critical for her (although when I read the e-mail to my husband that night, he says, "I'll swap you"). It turns out she's a straight, divorced, disease-free mom in her 40s who claims she was motivated to answer my ad by a kind of sexual altruism. My husband, who spent years of his life addressing this particular challenge, gives me a little pep talk. After about an hour, she takes out her calendar, and we schedule the threesome for a week later, the 20th, over lunchtime. One of the women had a serious, unreciprocated crush on him. "Hi, I also have a boyfriend with the same fantasy (not very original, I know, but boys will be boys!! Maybe we could end up doing a deal (though not necessarily). She also quotes the French expression, "One need not die an idiot." I agree. As I'm getting ready to go meet her (silk sweaterdress, foundation, mascara), I'm suddenly struck by the strangeness of what I'm about to do. "With women, you have to listen to all the stuff they say," he explains. I tell her that she's been in my thoughts and that I found her charming "in every way." She replies immediately, saying that she's very game for our adventure, but that she'd like to discuss it in more detail. I even scan my book group—middle-aged expatriates who like to read about the Holocaust—for candidates. Everything seems to be settled, but again we part without fixing a date. She replies that she enjoyed our conversation, too, but that she'd like to meet again to talk more about our plans. I'm beginning to doubt whether she'll go through with this.

I have a belated feminist revelation: Women don't demand raises and promotions, because we're trained to sit pretty and let someone else chase us. ") We lay down some ground rules for the threesome. I'm tired of putting on makeup every time I go to meet her, and I'm running out of dresses. You need to work out what it is and help her with it." On my way to the third meeting, I decide to loosen up and be less calculating.

"Inside every threesome is a twosome and a onesome," a character on warns. "They have all these complex emotional issues, and you have to try to figure out what they are. Be pleasant and reassuring but also slightly mysterious." He's probably afraid that I'll back out, because he adds that to keep life interesting, sometimes you have to stick your neck out. She's a pretty, slim brunette with a friendly face. I try to seem riveted as she describes her boyfriend woes, her life as a single mom, and the health issues of her elderly father.

I'm undaunted, but no closer to finding a candidate. At least a dozen couples are seeking a woman for a threesome. Since I can't compete on looks or age, I decide to distinguish myself by sounding desperate: "I'd like to give my partner his best birthday present ever: an experience with me and another woman. "It's not my neck that's going to be sticking out," I say. Although she's dressed conservatively, I notice that her makeup is fresh. Despite the peculiar circumstances, she's clinging to the conventions of female bonding. She says she's never been with another woman and isn't sure how she'll feel about that.

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